Albert Einstein has shared some powerful words with us: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” and “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”
Elegant, round, large, profound words.
And pretty simple, right?
I was listening to a friend today talking about a couple she knew who are in a polar relationship with some conflicting dynamics. As an outsider, my perception of Major Problems was glaring and blaring. The relationship sounded as if it had the words Selfishness and Dislike and Disrespect stamped all over it. And before I go further, I want to say that I am not proud of my initial reaction to the story. This couple in no way deserved my hasty judgment.
The husband stayed at home with the baby. The wife didn’t like it when the husband wanted to get out for a few hours in the evening for some alone time. After all, as he said, “I can only clean the house so many times during the day.” The wife, being the breadwinner, quashed his request to take the car and go have fun. Well, the wife didn’t want to be left all alone with the baby. So? The husband stayed home, deferring to his wife and ignoring his wish to be around adults with whom he could talk and share . . . all which emphasized the core problem that his wife was someone who he didn’t qualify as being an “adult with whom he could talk and share.”
You get the idea. It was easy for me to sympathize with the husband. I don’t know why I found myself rooting for the him, as I am guessing that the wife has her own personal emotional challenges regarding the relationship. I was surprised when I felt myself getting emotionally involved in the story and siding with the husband. I started saying things like, “Wow! Let the man go out and have a little fun.” And . . . “She sounds like a control nut.” And then . . . “Why do they even stay together if they are so unhappy?”
I caught myself mid-comment. All of this, coming from someone who was a Master Enabler and Chronic Co-Dependency Queen in relationships past. As I heard the words coming out of my mouth, I thought back over the years when I stayed in relationships that were no longer in our respective best interests. Relationships where we no longer cared about growing or contributing or loving one another. Relationships that focused on Take and no Give.
It is always easy to look at others’ relationships and “know what I would do.” It is also easy to look back at my own personal hard times and now know what I would have, should have, could have done differently.
Hindsight is a lovely thing. It is the frosting that covers the burnt cake called Delayed Action. In my situation, the obvious thing to do in these relationships was to cut the cord and repair to a different bubble, a different space. A paradigm shift was certainly in order. By staying in “the same level of consciousness” that created the problems, I was exercising my Rights of Insanity . . . by “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
As you can easily imagine, consequences were paid and lessons were learned. Changes were made and “different results” were wrested from me. Not always a happy ending at that time but a different ending, nonetheless.
I have certainly chosen Insanity, by Einstein’s definition, and stayed far beyond the expiration date that was stamped on the underside of a few relationships. There are times when I don’t like to admit this . . . times when, now having moved on and past, I don’t really care about the outcomes that took place . . . times when I feel as if these relationships have helped me to build healthier, positive relationships in the present. There are times when regrets have dogged me and times when regrets have vanished into the stratosphere without a hint of a vapor trail. Times when my past feels as if it has been a surreal dream and times when I simply don’t think about it at all.
I laughed at myself when I told my friend, “Aren’t I a fine one to be saying what this couple should do?” The truth: I don’t know what they should do. I have barely been cognizant of what it is I should-would-could-can-will do. Einstein’s words inspire me to reach for a different level of consciousness, even if it might mean digging myself into a deeper hole or painting myself into a corner or climbing up to the roof and pushing the ladder to the ground.
It takes courage to stretch for a different level of consciousness. Shakespeare wrote in Lady Macbeth, “”But screw your courage to the sticking place, And we’ll not fail.” Lady Macbeth is saying to stretch, push, and pull your courage as far and deep as it will go — just as one does when screwing a screw into a wall or a beam. You keep screwing until the screw simply won’t accept one more twist of the screwdriver. Sometimes you have to go that deep. And to know when to stop.
Anyone who has tried to screw a screw into a wall stud knows the difference between trying to do so into a piece of welcoming straight-grained wood and into a gnarly knot. You start to twist the screw in and then . . . nothing. Stopped at mid-screw. You know you have hit a knot. Depending on how badly I want the screw to be in that exact spot for various functional or artistic reasons, I persevere. I really reef on that screwdriver. I break a sweat or I invite a blister.
Other times, I back the screw out and try a different spot with the hope that I will find straight grain. Eventually, success is mine and the screw is in the wall — and not necessarily where I originally wanted it. All that remains is to fill the holes that litter the sheetrock and dab some paint over the dried spackle.
One time I tried to install a toilet paper roll in my powder room. Something this elementary. By the time I completed the job, the wall was simply riddled with false starts. It remains a testimony to not reading the directions that came with the device. The T.P. holder is crooked and rickety. I think I am the only one in the house who can change a roll of toilet paper and not have the dang holder fall off the wall. It is also a testimony to remember Lady Macbeth’s words and to rise to courage.
But it is Onward, I say. The next time I hear someone telling me a story about another couple’s relationship, I am going to stop my ears and remember Albert Einstein, Lady Macbeth, and the hideous mess I made of my powder room wall. All is well but all will be even better if I prevent myself from making hasty judgments by resisting my Rights of Insanity. Thank you to Albert, Lady Macbeth, and Home Depot. Life is good when I heed the words of the wise: do something different, don’t resist change, don’t listen to my judgmental self, be courageous, and abide by a different level of consciousness.
I couldn’t help but think back to my old friend Donnalyn who stopped by my house one day to see me when I wasn’t home. She left an envelope on my front porch, and in the envelope was $50 cash with a note saying, “I’ve been where you are. After my divorce, I didn’t think I was going to be able to figure it all out. You are going to make it.”
Numbers.
There is simply so much cool stuff going on there. Quantity vs. quality. Count vs. noncount. We think of a life — a count noun — and we count the number of lives on the planet. But when we think of our our own life? We think “in terms of wholes that can’t be cut up into pieces.” It’s one whole life. It’s my life! And like grass, rice, and money . . . we don’t actually cut our own life up into pieces . . . even when we think in terms of annual events such as birthdays and anniversaries. It’s all one big whole that we truly prefer not to relegate to the Noun Category of Count. We want to make it count in the ways that are important . . . not in some grammatical or statistical way.
My advice to self: Just live and give it your best in the moment. You’ve got this. While I appreciate the concepts of mindfulness and how important it is to be aware and to be positive, there is more. There is life as a noncount noun. It’s okay to count the little things as long as I remember the bigger picture. And sometimes it is so hard to keep sight of this enormous, huge, ginormous Universe of which I am but a tiny speck.
Click on the 
Here is today’s journal question from my 5-year diary with 1,825 potential answers: If you could move anywhere, where would you move? 
To say this undertaking is intimidating might sound a little dramatic; time feels limited and the sorting is time-consuming. But I shall persist and get to the place where I have made a dent and can go into my next move with better spirits and less drudge-y vibes.
I came upon this 3-D message as I was hiking around Mountain Lake last Sunday. It was at the top of a good uphill stretch, and it gave me much to think on as I finished the hike. I imagined that someone must have paused at the crest to rest, all the while feeling grateful for that moment in time.
Today’s journaling is fun, simple, quick, and includes working with some fun and easy pie charts that portray the Circle of Life . . . your Circle of Life. You can download this enlightening prompt by clicking on the aqua-blue link below:
Click on the sky blue link below for today’s journal prompt. Have fun discovering (and making!) your leap!
Playing my mandolin every single day —> Sitting in with that fun Monday band at the book store
The Unseen Words Project 